today i strove to meet a beautifully normal coffee date, the kind of thing other people do on a regular basis, but she couldn’t make it. by the time i found out i had already braved the train and alighted in the city, so i thought i may as well make the most of it and pushed myself to look around the shops. i found pretty earings for my mum and perused waterstones an hour or so, listing to a guitarist on the street playing here comes the sun. when i left and threw my cigarette to the gutter, i heard a man scolding me to his friend and felt bold enough to stare him into silence. then i sat with a bad coffee at the train station, reading and musing. i was wearing nice clothes and had painted nails, and sore feet from impractical shoes. i was Out and okay, mingling with people on their travels as though i was normal and nothing was wrong. it made me smile. it feels good to be surprised by smiles instead of tears.