the last few days i’ve been watching things like PanAm and reading fashion magazines i found under my bed when i was cleaning. i wish i could dress beautifully and look elegant and poised. i wish i could look nice when i go out. i only look nice when i go to work. and i wish i wasn’t addicted to my jeans and grunge tops and my leather jacket, to the slouch i get the minute i walk out the door. i just feel safer in what i wear. my clothes are hard-edged and hostile. no one will look at me, not even a passing glance. i like that.