February 2012
http://www.sillynames.tumblr.com →
“perhaps a better world is drawing near
but just as easy it could all disappear”
today it’s sunny and i’m listening to jackson browne with my windows open, dreaming of dusty roads and warm californian guitars. i’m fighting a residue of hurt and trying to be Okay on a day i know has every potential to be good.
isn’t it funny how day by day, nothing changes
but when you look back
everything is different?
- c. s. lewis
you’d think you would see love coming/ but of course you don’t
the places you go thinking that love may find...
i dreamt last night (beware: strange and random)...
- anonymous.
i wonder what that means? i wish i could see what it looked like.
it’s so easy
when you know the rules
the horror of realising you’re facing a long night with nothing to read.
i need to keep my mind open for what could happen and not decide that the world is hopeless if what i want to happen doesn’t happen. because something else great might happen in between.
- dash and lily’s book of dares.
“if it is important to you, you’ll find a way.
if not, you’ll find...”
What are you reading? (I know I ask you this every...
- anonymous.
this week i read tender as hellfire by joe meno. it was a wonderful book. the eleven year old narrator is a cross between holden caulfield and ponyboy curtis, and it’s set in a dusty trailer park. now i’m reading the lover’s dictionary by david levithan.
my grandfather could be a cold man, as if he was afraid to feel. he loved from a distance with his obscene wealth and playboy lifestyle. today i found out he was one of the allied officers who liberated the concentration camp bergen belsen. he killed men; he shot lots of people, often in the back, cowardly nazi’s who were fleeing the hell they had created. at one point, he reached beneath a...
“remember:
this is what progress feels like.”
barely surviving has become my purpose
i’m so used to living underneath the surface
today i strove to meet a beautifully normal coffee date, the kind of thing other people do on a regular basis, but she couldn’t make it. by the time i found out i had already braved the train and alighted in the city, so i thought i may as well make the most of it and pushed myself to look around the shops. i found pretty earings for my mum and perused waterstones an hour or so, listing to a...
in honour of valentine’s day, i’ve posted the works of famous artists and their muses on my art blog.
the last few days i’ve been watching things like PanAm and reading fashion magazines i found under my bed when i was cleaning. i wish i could dress beautifully and look elegant and poised. i wish i could look nice when i go out. i only look nice when i go to work. and i wish i wasn’t addicted to my jeans and grunge tops and my leather jacket, to the slouch i get the minute i walk out...
yesterday, my occupational therapist didn’t seem very pleased with my achievments. she told me to be cautious. i told her it was all or nothing, and i’m sick of nothing.
dear laura
so you don’t act like you used to. so you’re quieter, more contemplative. in the last year you have been to hell and somehow you’re on your way back. you’ve had to change. you’ve grown. you’re growing up. the people who love you will let you.
i think maybe i have an idea of who i am
but she isn’t the person i used to be
she doesn’t laugh because people are waiting for it
and she doesn’t fill the silences they expect her to fill
she isn’t very entertaining
she’s new and she has no room to be new
tonight i went to the pub with my friends, some of whom i haven’t seen for too long. we played pool and listened to music and talked about the usual ridiculous things we used to talk about. they were wonderful. i stood at the bar, stocked with drinks, and ordered juice. six times. it was hard, but i did it. and when the smells of their drinks were choking me, i turned away and sipped my...
Tonight I watched Girl, Interupted, and she looked...
- anonymous.
you have no idea how often i get this. someone in hospital even called me susanna once.
my art blog →
i’ll take requests on artists, themes, exhibitions, movements, etc.
tonight i’m researching non-alcoholic beers and wines. if i’m going to be going out, that’s inevitably going to involve being out in the evening as well as the day. i can’t avoid it forever. at least this way i won’t be feeling like a five year old while everyone around me drinks and i sip a lemonade.
“hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time.
hang on to your hat.
hang...”
– e. b. white.
today i took my first small step toward getting my life back. it felt good to do something despite fear, to start. it felt good to know i’m trying to change things. it’ll feel good to get back into bed, knowing i did something today.
Dear Laura, how did your Going Out go? xxx
- sleeping-birch.
thank you for remembering and asking. i did it. i really did it. xx